My daughter is growing up to be a very insecure person

Query: My 13 year old daughter feels extremely jealous of her peers. She is constantly bickering and comparing herself to them. I have tried to counsel her but she feels extremely insecure all the time and it affects her performance too. What can I do?
Response by Dr Rachna K Khanna: It is crucial to handle children’s emotions with care when they are expressed.It’s an extremely challenging task which must be done with utmost tact. Feelings are natural and normal, and expressing them and getting support, helps children to grow up feeling better. Here are some helpful steps to take when your child talks about her feelings:
• Acknowledge and accept her emotions. Tell her, “It’s OK for a child to feel jealous, angry, or sad. They are all normal emotions.”
• Congratulate her for letting you know. You want her to receive the message, that she should always let you know how she is feeling, so you can help her. Hugs and smiles will undoubtedly help her calm down, as well.

• It’s natural for a child to make comparisons with fellow peers, however, it should always be within limits. Though every child inadvertently will compare themselves with others in some way, it’s important for you as a parent to highlight your child’s strength and make them feel loved, appreciated, and wanted. The idea that every child is unique in their own way must be reiterated.
• Explain to your children that each child will have a period when he or she gets more attention. Remind her of times when she was the center of attention, for instance, when the whole family came to hear her playing her violin in the spring concert. Reassure her that she is equally loved.
• Do not pamper your child too much! If you spoil them royally, they may begin to feel unconquerable. When they meet someone their age who is more powerful than them, they begin to feel insecure, thereby leading to the jealousy.
• Do not overprotect your child, as one day they will have to fly the nest and shall be dealing with life mostly on their own. They will come across confident people who make them feel insecure and overwhelmed, and they would not be having your security blanket to protect them. This could further enhance their feelings and could have negative consequences like becoming reclusive. So, protect your child but do not overprotect them!
Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh is HOD - Holistic Medicine, Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon, Relationship, Lifestyle & Stress Management Expert