"My 12 year old daughter really adores a boy in her class"

Query: My 12 year old daughter is very protective about a boy in her class. It seems like she likes him a lot. I can see she is confused about her feelings for him. She doesn’t talk about him to anyone else but me. And it’s sweet and innocent the way she opens up. She also gets very upset when he sits with someone else in his class. Should I let things be?
Response by Dr Rachna K Singh
First crushes usually start around 10-13 years of age.They have an important role in developing normal and healthy romantic relationships and provide opportunities to learn how to compromise and communicate. Therefore, they are considered to be an important step in a child’s development.
It must be kept in mind that before a child starts having serious relationships, they will develop many more crushes like these; some might be an identity crush where they find someone they admire and other crushes might be romantic and become the beginning of romantic feelings your child would feel towards another person.

Children first learn about loving and caring relationships from their families. But they also get messages about relationships from friends, television, and social media. Some of what they learn may not be healthy, so talking with your child about relationships is important. It is important for your children to feel comfortable regarding discussions around crushes with you, as they could be facing many emotions they are not yet familiar with.
Crushes are a healthy part of life. Besides being good practice for the future, they can teach kids a lot about relationships and themselves. On the other hand, they can also be a source of pain, especially in the pre-teen and teen years. When hormones kick in, kids have more of a physical response to a crush and that, too, can be confusing for them
There are times when you don’t need to get involved, but there are certain things that you could do to help your daughter deal with her first crush. In this scenario, it would help to talk to your daughter to help her understand her feelings better and answer the questions she might have. If you believe that your child’s crush is unrequited, don’t trivialize it by saying things like, “Oh, you’ll get over it,” or “Well, that was just puppy love.” Instead, console her, and let her be upset about the situation. It is also important for you to comfort her then and attempt to explain that rejection is a normal part of life. One will face rejection in almost all walks of life and dating is no different- you don’t always find the right person right away and affection is not always reciprocated.
As much as it is important to support your child’s feelings and let things be, it is also important to monitor the situation. During the initial stages, it is important to set some boundaries like limited device usage and late-night curfews so that you can ensure the safety of your children.
Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh is HOD - Holistic Medicine, Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon, Relationship, Lifestyle & Stress Management Expert