It was peak rush hour in metro train and then suddenly this happened…

Emotional intelligence is the meta-ability that determines how well we can utilize the other skills we possess, including raw intellect. - Daniel Goleman
Last evening, my friend shared an incident that occurred on a metro train while he was traveling home from work. It was the usual peak rush hour, with passengers caught up in their daily chaos, eager to reach their destinations.Suddenly, a disheveled, intoxicated man boarded the train. Staggering, he began terrorizing the passengers, screaming curses, and even took a swing at a woman holding a baby, causing her to sprawl into the lap of an elderly couple. The situation became chaotic as the drunk man paced back and forth, creating havoc.
Some passengers were frozen with fear, while others, agitated by the nuisance, wanted to punish him. My friend, a young man in his early 30s, was also disturbed by the drunk man's behavior and stood up to teach him a lesson. However, an elderly man sitting in the corner of the train suddenly gave an oddly joyous shout, "Hey buddy!" The shout had the cheerful tone of someone greeting an old friend.
The drunk man, surprised, spun around to see the elderly man, who appeared to be in his 80s. The drunk man gazed at him and, in a slurred tone, asked, "Why should I listen to you? Who are you?"
With warmth, the old man offered the drunk a seat next to him. Lost in the unexpected kindness, the drunk man hesitantly sat down. In a lively voice, the old man asked, "Which brand do you drink?" To his surprise, the drunk man stared at him and yelled, "But why should I tell you?" The old man, smiling, said, "It seems you love the ABC brand." The drunk, now with his voice trailing off, replied, "No, it's XYZ brand that I like." The old man beamed and said, "My wife and I also love the XYZ brand. Every night, we both have a peg before sleeping."
The drunk man's face softened, his muscles relaxed, and his clenched fists loosened as he leaned towards the old man. The elderly man, full of wit and excitement, asked, "I'm sure you love your wife too and share a drink with her in the evening…" Hearing this, the drunk man sobbed and replied, "My wife passed away a few years back." He continued, "And today, my manager also kicked me out of my job." He poured out all his pain and misery to the old man, who listened patiently and empathetically. Soon, the drunk man got off the train without causing any more disturbances.
After narrating the incident, my friend sarcastically muttered, "These cold-blooded oldies… If I had been in his place, I would have taught that drunkard a lifelong lesson." His remark raised my eyebrows, as the old man had showcased a perfect example of mastering emotional intelligence, delivering a calm, focused, and thoughtful response with perfect results.
The behavior of the drunk man was far from socially mature or acceptable, but the rage among the passengers, including my friend, to teach him a lesson was equally devoid of social intelligence. Any social situation cannot be effectively addressed with only an agitated mind. Though extreme cases may require different approaches, in this instance, the old man handled the situation in the best possible way. He beautifully applied all five aspects of emotional intelligence, making the disturbance caused by the drunk man entirely avoidable without further damage. Listening to this, my friend's face fell, full of surprise and disbelief.
To elaborate further, I explained to my friend that handling someone at the peak of rage is perhaps the ultimate measure of emotional intelligence in a social setting, and the old man demonstrated his brilliance in this case.
At the onset of the situation, the old man was fully aware of his own state of mind, including the frustration and disturbance caused by the drunk. His self-awareness allowed him to remain non-judgmental and non-prejudiced towards the drunk man's behavior, enabling him to act on the situation rather than react impulsively.
With a clear mental state, the old man resisted the emotional compulsion to strike the drunk man in response to his awkward behavior. Instead, he chose to remain calm and manage the situation. Even in Aikido, one of the Japanese martial arts, it is said that when you approach a conflict with a fighting mindset, you lose your connection with the universe. One must focus on resolving the conflict, not initiating it. Unlike the other passengers, the old man restrained his impulses and calmed the drunk man down.
At the height of the disturbance caused by the drunk, while the other passengers longed for a peaceful ride but were completely clueless and pessimistic about the situation, the old man, with hope and confidence, set his goal of getting the drunk man off the train without causing further trouble and worked unwaveringly towards it.
The old man achieved the collective desire for a smooth ride by attuning to the drunk man's emotional state and showing genuine empathy, which laid the foundation for a newfound friendship.
It was through the application of all five aspects of emotional intelligence—self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, empathy, and social skills—that the old man stood apart from the crowd and handled the situation smoothly. Emotional intelligence often provides an added advantage in various domains of life, whether in interpersonal relationships, the workplace, family, or any unexpected situation in life.
My friend was both amazed and humbled by this story. In today's world, where the fabric of society seems to be unraveling at an ever-greater pace, the significance of emotional intelligence in leading a happy and fulfilled life is unquestionable. People with well-developed emotional skills are more likely to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habits of mind and fostering productivity. Scientific research reveals that 80% of one's success in life is determined by emotional intelligence. A successful individual is the cornerstone of a successful society, so what are we waiting for? Emotional intelligence is the need of the hour to shape a thriving society.
Authored by: Dr. Meenakshi Girdhar
The views are the author's own, and do not represent The Times of India's